Posts by Coffee House Girl

36

I decided not to go back to the KH

by Bucholz in

well, as i mentioned before in one of my few other posts, i've been lurking here for some time now and finally decided it was time to face the facts and take action.. i was raised a jw (4th generation) and my parents were quite zealous when they got married.

mom was a regular pioneer and dad was a ms. i was the little jw 'rockstar' in my congregation, got baptized at 10, was giving talks and serving as an attendant at the hall and at conventions at such an early age.

auxiliary pioneered whenever i could.

Coffee House Girl

OK to get back on target of this thread....

Welcome! I was encouraged by your story and courage, please stick around and continue posting, thank you

CHG

40

Did you fake underlining the WT?

by shepherd in

jw
friends

i read on another topic " i remember when i used to carry microphones years ago in the jw cult- only about 30 % had their wt's pre-studied, the rest just wing it i truly believe" and it reminded me that people will assume you are not familiar with the material if you have not underlined, and that there will always be those who observe the lack of ink and consider you must be unprepared (and so 'weaker' than them).. many times i used to fake prestudy just for that reason.

its easy to do, underline a random sentence or 2 in each paragraph or the sited scripture.

you can wizz through an entire article in 3 minutes....did anyone else do that?.

Coffee House Girl

Yup I did (was not proud of it at the time)- I knew it was an "indicator" of how spiritual you were & I frankly got bored after 5 paragraphs...so I just underlined the rest and wrote a few random scriptures in the margins-

like leavingwt...I have never been able to get through a whole yearbook either.....I would get past a dozen pages or so then move on to a juicy James Patterson, Jeffrey Deaver, or John Grisham novel- that captivated my attention- I just always got mental ADD when it came to reading anything from the WTS

CHG

41

Thanks for your support JWN!!! Dad dies monday, JW family goes to convention on thursday

by Coffee House Girl in

jw
friends

coffee shop guy directed me to his thread...thank you so much everyone for your thoughts of support, it means a lot to have people who understand and show genuine sympathy.

here's my experience so far.... my father dies monday night & my brother (nonjw) calls me to come home, when i arrive my father is still sitting on the couch- all the jw family is sitting in a semi-circle around him, my non jw brother is standing in the next room.

no one is crying, no one is talking.

Coffee House Girl

Hellenback (love the name)- thank you so much, welcome to the forum & look forward to reading more

Nobleheart- thank you for your sympathies- I appreciate everyone's support here!

Reopened Mind- saw your PM & replied...thank you

CHG

41

Thanks for your support JWN!!! Dad dies monday, JW family goes to convention on thursday

by Coffee House Girl in

jw
friends

coffee shop guy directed me to his thread...thank you so much everyone for your thoughts of support, it means a lot to have people who understand and show genuine sympathy.

here's my experience so far.... my father dies monday night & my brother (nonjw) calls me to come home, when i arrive my father is still sitting on the couch- all the jw family is sitting in a semi-circle around him, my non jw brother is standing in the next room.

no one is crying, no one is talking.

Coffee House Girl

Thank you so much for everyone's kind replies- it is sad that many of you have had the same experiences, both on the inside of the borg: never feeling like you can grieve like a "normal" person

and now experiencing death on the outside of the borg: looking in the faces of those hollow individuals who were once your family- seeing no spark of emotion looking back at you- it is like something out of a science fiction "invasion of the body snatchers" movie-

Moshe you did nail it...thank you for helping me to see it for what it is- I can only pity them now....nothing I say or do can help them, I am happy that I have peace in the fact that his pain is over (I don't have faith in things like an afterlife now, but I am okay with not knowing, and I have no fears for him)

I will pass all of your sympathies on to my brother and CSG, thank you all for being here for us now.

CHG

59

New to this site. Scared, Lonely and in a lot of pain due to shunning by my family.

by wonder*woman in

jw
friends

this is my very first post to this forum.

i am begging for some much needed encouragment and support by those who are kind hearted and know exactly the pain shunning causes.

i am a 30 year old former jehovah's witness and a mother of two beautiful girls.

Coffee House Girl

Welcome & thanks for having the courage to post!

I also identify with you being a 30 something who left the organization (not DF'd or DA'd) and my family also does shun me. I tried to mentally prepare myself for that when I decided to get out two years ago now...but I can't help feeling the hurt too

My dad died on Monday & it has been a terrible ordeal standing on one side of the room while all the JWs are huddled on the other side...with people from your old congregation staring at you uncomfortably and either just walking past you like you are wallpaper...or talking with you just because they feel that they have to (forced fake sympathy is bullshit in my book)

Hang in there WW!!! I agree with other posters that the shunning does in fact come in waves....I bet that your mom will lighten up with a little time-

CHG

41

Thanks for your support JWN!!! Dad dies monday, JW family goes to convention on thursday

by Coffee House Girl in

jw
friends

coffee shop guy directed me to his thread...thank you so much everyone for your thoughts of support, it means a lot to have people who understand and show genuine sympathy.

here's my experience so far.... my father dies monday night & my brother (nonjw) calls me to come home, when i arrive my father is still sitting on the couch- all the jw family is sitting in a semi-circle around him, my non jw brother is standing in the next room.

no one is crying, no one is talking.

Coffee House Girl

Thank you all

I am sorry to have stuck an emotional responce from Man In Black and Anony Mous- I tried my best to hide my discust & be supportive to my mother, I tried to look at it from the aspect of..."well it should be good for her to get away for a few days to get her mind off of things"....

but really....they were married for 53 years, wasn't he worth skipping a convention for???? My brother cried so hard when she left Thursday morning, my heart just broke-

Yes, NRF George....the campfire was very symbolic of dad, his love of the outdoors and just sitting & relaxing by the fire drinking a beer (that was him in a nutshell)

OTWO, I read your previous thread...OMG it is so sad, unfortunately I now know how you feel on that one...and it is equally sad that JWs just don't get it....they are lost truly

To answer NewChapter's question....will I attend the JW memorial????? Well I struggle with that one (because it is bullshit and just a dog and pony show), but I will go...my brother's best friend is going for moral support for the both of us (he never was a JW and hates everything JW, but he is going to sit with us & I really appreciate his thoughtfulness).

Coffee Shop Guy has been so good through this...he spent a lot of time with my brother talking with him and I really think it helped, I love and appreciate him for all he is

CHG

41

Thanks for your support JWN!!! Dad dies monday, JW family goes to convention on thursday

by Coffee House Girl in

jw
friends

coffee shop guy directed me to his thread...thank you so much everyone for your thoughts of support, it means a lot to have people who understand and show genuine sympathy.

here's my experience so far.... my father dies monday night & my brother (nonjw) calls me to come home, when i arrive my father is still sitting on the couch- all the jw family is sitting in a semi-circle around him, my non jw brother is standing in the next room.

no one is crying, no one is talking.

Coffee House Girl

Coffee Shop Guy directed me to his thread...thank you so much everyone for your thoughts of support, it means a lot to have people who understand and show genuine sympathy.

Here's my experience so far...

My father dies Monday night & my brother (nonJW) calls me to come home, when I arrive my father is still sitting on the couch- all the JW family is sitting in a semi-circle around him, my non JW brother is standing in the next room. No one is crying, no one is talking. I hug my mom, people talk around me, but it is clearly uncomfortable- no displays of family love for me or my bro. It was so cold and wierd. The first conversations I heard even before they took my dad out of the house was that they were not changing their plans for the convention this weekend....WTF!!!!!!

They were trying to figure out how to rush this so they would not have to change their hotel plans for the convention, so the visitation was Wednesday & they buried him Thursday morning at 9am so they could get on the road to the hotel.

I am pretty torn on that one...I am mad & sad that they left, I feel that the whole process was rushed & respect for my dad and his life was trumped over loyalty to the Borg (which I knew was going to happen to a degree...I thought my mom would react differently though)

They are having a "memorial service" next Saturday at the Kingdom Hall- which is another thing he did not want, they always said that Dad would just have a graveside service since he wasn't a "spiritual" person- but that went out the window & he's having the full Jdub service complete with the typical "timeshare" speech about their doctrine & advertising people to join the publishing cult-

My brother and I spent our time alone remembering him our way...sitting by a campfire, roasting hot dogs and drinking strohs light beer (his favorite). That was very nice & I was grateful for the opportunity.

Thanks again for everyone's love and support- I would be lost without all your advise and experiences!!!

CHG

7

Elders visit today

by truthseeker1969 in

two kindly old gentlemen came to visit to see if i would like to come to the meetings againa.. i explained to them kindly the full circumstances for me leaving and that i had found information that disturbed me a great deal about the background wheeling and dealing within the society and that it was enough to make me have greater doubts about the authenticity of teachings given.. i told them that the cosietys stance towards those who leave and the labelling of "mentally diseased" and "sick" are words that would never come out of jehovahs mouth as he is god of pure love.. the kindly listened while i told them that i indeed miss the congregation and i knew how it was hard for those who know me to ignore me but that was proof enough that such a stance of shunning hurts even those who had nothing to do with any event that resulted in disfelowshipping.. i forcefully told them that those who are labelled as 'apostates" are not out to do anything to the congregation, they are simply people who can no longer believe what is being taught and freely expres, in the majority of cases, scriptural grounds for their disagreement.

many still hold fast to alot of techings as they want truth.. one of them smiled the whole way through the conversation, the other looked at me as if i was the devil!

i told them i respect them for the stance they take in their life but it equates to the stance i take that i will not be told what i believe is wrong and therefor should be accorded the same respect i give to them.. "what is worse?

Coffee House Girl

Excellent job truthseeker...wish I could be that composed and say such succinct things (I get all tongue-tied when those situations occur)

Hope that does "close the door" for you

CHG

31

After leaving Jw's did you go into another religion or serv. god ur own way?

by average joe in

i am just curious if you guys left jw's and now worship in some other relgion or worship in your own way?

have you sworn off organized religion ?

if you have not sworn off organized religion then i wonder what relgion seems to be the right one for you guys?

Coffee House Girl

I'm still pretty early in my departure of JW life....any thought of joining another religion makes me wanna puke- and I don't yet feel like I am serving God in my own way because I do not see the point yet...waiting for something to hit me on the head (but not gonna hold my breath on that one)

Right now I am perfectly okay not knowing all the answers, so I classify myself agnostic (moving in the athiest direction)

CHG

37

Trying to Fade, Now they want to interview me on the SAD!!!

by burnedout in

i resigned as an elder some time ago, have been working on fading, the wife is getting used to the new 'me' (not stressed, better husband and father, etc.

), been missing a lot of meetings... even received a few statements such as: 'hi burnedout, it's good to see you!!!

last sunday, i took my one of my sons to the local dragstrip to show him the races, oops missed the meeting.

Coffee House Girl

That is a tough one Burned Out....I know you dont want to cause further rifts with your wife, but my instincts go with most of the posters...stick to your plan- you want to fade quietly, find an excuse to get out of it (your health, "depression" is giving you anxiety about speaking in public, whatever).

I also others have made in good point in saying that this might be a game to stroke your ego so you will be enthusiastic about the "truth" again...they may have it in mind to find a "last minute" replacement even if you agree to do the interview-

I hope soon you will find peace on the outside (fade complete).

CHG